Have you recently experienced a relationship breakup?
Do you feel like you are struggling in your relationship – to feel heard, or perhaps you are tip-toe-ing around them, afraid to upset the apple cart?
Or perhaps you are sneaking around, doing what you need to do to feel safe, aware that making any mention of what you are doing will result in an explosion of temper?
People often feel the need to see someone because basic needs aren’t being met, or perhaps you’ve been repeating a particular relationship pattern for years. You may find that traditional therapy hasn’t worked previously and you need something of a more interventionist nature from someone who’s been where you are.
When we are in a relationship or seeking a new one, well meaning people often say “you have to love yourself before you can love another” and well, to an extent this is true – otherwise how will you know if you are in an abusive relationship?
But it also cannot be true; a baby doesn’t learn to “love itself”, it learns from his or her primary caregivers, it seeks reassurance and physical comfort. If this relationship is disrupted in some way, this can give way to all relationships never quite being good enough or not right. This is where Stan Tatkin talks about the “couple bubble”. We need to learn to look out for the RELATIONSHIP rather than our specific, individual needs (although it’s also important to recognise our own needs – check out the five love languages quiz here.
Here’s a great clip to watch.
Perhaps you’re experiencing dissatisfaction, lies, cover up. Or maybe you want *him* to change, or if only *she* would understand you, then all will be well.
You’ve landed here for a reason.
See this video clip talking about “Genuine Love”.