Writing a page on motherhood can seem odd. After all, becoming a mother is the most wonderful job of all, right?
Not necessarily. Firstly the addition of another member of the family can be absolutely joyful, this is true. If your baby is born healthy, the needs of your infant become clear once you leave the hospital if your baby was born there, or once the midwife has left you to it. If you have a high need baby it can throw your world and the relationship with your spouse / partner into new-found territory. If you are breastfeeding you may wonder how it works, whether you’ve enough milk, whether the baby is full (the baby wants breastfeeding *again*?) and why your baby wakes so often?
Clearly if your baby is well-adapted, eating and sleeping healthily and your relationship is just enhanced by the arrival of your newborn, then you won’t be reading this page, but imagine if you could have that lifestyle? If your baby has additional needs or is born with a physical or mental handicap, then there may be other resources better suited to your needs.
People who know me realise that I am not a fan of the cry-it-out routine. Many books have been written on the subject – “teach baby to learn” to do without you. It’s a behavioural technique that works, after all. The issue I have is that it does “teach baby to learn” to do without you. Is that healthy or wise? This can lead to a condition known as “learned helplessness“.
Personally I feel attachment theory is what all new parents might learn about even before they consider adding to their family. Richard Bowlby, son of John Bowlby has been furthering the theory after his father passed on and considers the potential of attachment theory to eliminate many mental health conditions, even going as far as to suggest it could halt or prevent alzheimers, although this is impossible to prove since alzheimers has many potential causes. An interesting debate nonetheless, making it even more important to try as far as possible to get “parenting right” as far as we possibly can within the constraints of our lives and relationships.
If you need help with your baby, breastfeeding and knock-on effect on the relationship, contact me. I have experience personally and academically in the area of attachment theory and baby bonding.